I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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