The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
