Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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