Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
