I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
