just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
