Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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