Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize