i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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