oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
