She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
