But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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