You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
