I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
