What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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