Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
how drunk are you?
Several
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize