Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
