i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
