We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
