I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So vagazzling was a success
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
