my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
