Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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