haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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