Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
