Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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