so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
