So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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