sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
