I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize