My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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