is your mom at the bar?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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