So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
