): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
