it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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