Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
