Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
