she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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