If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
