So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
