True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
