hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
