A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
