drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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