Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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