My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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