smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
