The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
