i need an iv and a liver transplant
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
