So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
