I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
