From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
