It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No more Irish car bombs ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
