hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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