I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
