I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
