Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
