NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
