Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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