You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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