I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
