honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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