Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
