you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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