you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
