I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize