Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
