Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
