so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
